Right now, I consider myself to be pretty happy, positive and confident. This was not the case 1.5 years ago. As a matter of fact, growing up, I was identified as the freakishly tall girl, or the girl with the tooth gap.
People have the annoying behavior of identifying you with your insecurities.
FYI, I still have the same features and here’s how I did.
Forgive The Homies
Lack of confidence comes because of our own insecurities. And if you look carefully, your insecurities are derived from somewhere in your past.
Either a family member said something, a teacher did something, you got bullied etc
Words are seeds
Words are seeds. If you are constantly being told you are beautiful, you become more confident but if you are constantly being put down, you lose that confidence.
My lack of confidence came from people in school telling me that I couldn’t get married because no one wants a freakishly tall wife. I started to slouch and I became shy and timid. Another thing they mentioned was my tooth gap, for the next year, I smiled countable times. Ugh!
Even as a grown up, I clinged on to bad relationships because of my lack of confidence that I would meet someone better.
Forgive everyone for the perceived wrongs and let that sh*t go, if you still have a problem, I shared an exercise on my youtube video, check it out. Also, forgive yourself, people who forgive themselves faster find it easier to forgive others.
Starve the bishes
When people say negative stuff to us, they plant seeds in us and whether those seeds grow or die depends on if we water them or not.
If someone tells you, ‘first of all bish you ugly and no one is ever going to want you’. If you go ahead and stop showering or putting on make-up because there’s just no point, you are watering that seed.
Build From Within
Because we destroy ourselves from within by reinforcing these negative words, we also need to start building ourselves from within.
Being positive starves those negative seeds. By not giving those things attention and by planting new seeds of positivity by use of positive affirmation makes your transition to being positive easier.
List of affirmations:
When you keep saying these affirmations, you slowly start showing up as those things. It may time sometime but this small act changed my life for the better.
Learn to see beauty
We see in others what we are. If you see negativity in other people, you are more likely to see negativity in yourself as well.
If you are critical of others, you are probably doing it 10x more to yourself.
Don’t just see beauty in other people, see beauty in yourself too, don’t be too quick to criticize yourself.
Give complements and say them out loud, not just to other people but to yourself too. When your confidence levels shoot up, be sure to thank me or call me beautiful.
Do things that scare you, besides, growth only happens when we stretch.
I started a YouTube channel for instance, and that scared the shit out of me but after some time, I realized it wasn’t as hard as I thought it was.
Additionally, I became a better speaker as a result of facing fear.
The Crippling Fear
Sometimes we lack confidence not because we are not confident but because the fear we have is too big it literally just overshadows the confidence.
The best way to shatter that fear is by going through it. You’ll find that once you do that, your confidence becomes magnified and you start believing in yourself again.
It takes a little step at a time to become confident and if I did it with all my unique physical features, you can do it too. This is your life sweetheart and you just can’t live this live without confidence, you’ll live a very limited life if you do.
Start Where You Are
In addition to speaking down on myself,I lose a lot of confidence in myself when I set goals consistently and I fail to achieve them.
It’s like a boyfriend or a friend who tells you they are going to do something and they constantly fail to do it, you completely lose confidence in them and it’s the same way with us too.
Show up Always
If you need to, set fewer goals, do that and keep showing up to achieve those goals.
You gain more trust and confidence in yourself by showing up for the things you said you were going to show up for.
Get into the habit of finishing things.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve started something and failed to see it through, it’s like the number one killer to success.
Take a Social Media Detox
We live in weird times, it’s like everybody is addicted to social media. I took a detox In May and half of June and I have never been clearer about my goals.
My point is, taking a detox relieves you from comparing yourself to others, it keeps people’s life away and it focuses you to focus on you.